GREMLINS HAVE STRUCK-GF REPORT ADDENDUM

Due to invasion of Vikings and other body snatchers CTF PUBLICATIONS left off an important note in the GF MATCH REPORTS


CCRU GRAND FINAL PLAYER WAS OUR CAPTAIN PETER "STRECTH" STEELE"

IN HIS 14th STRAIGHT GF FOR THE CLUB

AN ABSOLUTE RECORD THAT MAY NEVER BE BROKEN


CHEERS BOYS

Grand Final Match Reports Saturday 14th September 2013 Vs The Blue Filth @ Woy Woy Oval

Disclaimer & Editorial Opinion


CFT Publications wishes to advise that due to impending defamation actions by certain members of the ABRFC community this report will not refer to the rumours about a certain Avoca half back and his success rate with his sisters’ friends. Nor will it speak about the growing media profile of Coach Boof Jenkins and his inerrant ability to find the NBN camera despite being surrounded by masses of people. Further the continuing media war between Julio Spagbowler’s mother and NBN television reached an impasse when in Sunday’s Sports report the NBN refereed to Julio Spagbowler not as “The Spaghetti Millionaire” nor as the new signing to the WWF “El Beasto” but in fact as “ the Avoca Beach half back !’ We must ask who the “f” is that?

Do you know more? Then send an email to gloriuschin@gmail.com


Second Grade Grand Final Match Report

This was a match for the ages. The Blue Filth had the shield up on the wall and the t-shirts were being printed when they led 29-18 with 7 minutes to go. But it is never over until the fat lady sings and she was still SILENT ! As the hooter sounded the Filth led 29-25 and their underprivileged and deprived supporters were singing , dancing and thinking of the victory that was undoubtably theirs. They could taste the winner’s piss already.

But boys the fat lady was still silent and from the scrum after the hooter Mitch Ward and the Duke cornered their half back and the Duke stole the ball. Could it be possible could the Sharks win this one ? Somewhere at the back of a Woy Woy nursing home the fat lady was warbling.

The ball went from the last ruck to Fuz , he cut the rampaging Conan and gave it to Faz who was hit by 2 desperate Blue Filth defenders but he managed an overhead pop pass to the Geeman who straightened and went in next to the post. The fat lady began singing to the tune of “Cheers Boys,cheers Boys etc”

In his 100th grade game Mick Arnold kicked the conversion to make it 32-29 and the Sharks 2nd grade premiers for 2013.

What was your best moment?

Was it seeing the delight on our players and supporters faces after a never say die effort like that or being next to the Blue Filth supporters where you could hear a pin drop?

In game where everyone gave their all special mention to Mitchy Ward who was outstanding and won the CCRU Medal for the GF player of the game. Pity Mitchy that that other Avoca half back knows so many people at NBN !



MATCH RESULT

AVOCA 32 BLUE FILTH 29

Scorers

Tries

1 X Conan,Faz, Geeman and Fuz

Conversions

1 x Mick Arnold
2x Mitch Ward

Penalties

2 x Dylan

CCRU 2nd GRADE PLAYER OF THE GRAND FINAL MITCH WARD


FIRST GRADE GRAND FINAL MATCH REPORT

After getting their jerseys presented from our former players who have gone onto higher honours (Thanks to Jesse Parahi and Mat Hodgson) they boys were pumped especially after what the 2nds had done to the Blue Filth.

In a tight first half some sold defence kept the Blue Filth at bay whilst a number of our attacking raids just fell short of the try line. One highlight was seeing the Filth's Uncle Fester try and re-arrange Oatie’s already picturesque Doris. He picked on the wrong man there !

But we were running into a stiff breeze so at half time a score of nil all did not faze our boys.

It was a rampaging run by Sherry that got us back into the enemy territory in the second half. From the last ruck Captain Stretch was able to storm through and plant the ball next to the post. More good lead up work saw a ball go wide to Ando and he made it over in the corner. Score now 15-3.

The Filth got back to our half and scored a try /conversion to make it 15-10 and Boof Jenkins heart rate rise alarmingly. But 2 run a ways by Speedy saw us unlucky not to add more tries and then another couple of big runs by Sherry saw a ruck near the Filth’s posts.

The Avoca half back ran wide dummied to Sherry inside (all the Filth defenders hit Sherry) and the Avoca Half back went in under the post without a hand laid on him . Speedy converted and it was 22-10 and game over.

As the hooter went the Filth so frustrated because they are the Filth tried to punch on but the experienced Conan and Maxie showed them all a couple of “one two and three” combinations that settled the issues.

The hooter saw 15 people injured in the stampede by Coach Boof Jenkins as he shoved his face into the NBN Camera. A true media whore!


MATCH RESULT

AVOCA 22 BLUE FILTH 10

Scorers

Tries

1 each to Ando, Stretch and the AVOCA BEACH HALF BACK

Conversions
2 x Speedy

Penalties

1 x Speedy

2nd Grade Match Report Vs Warnervale @ Woy Woy Oval Final Saturday 7th September 2013

THE RUGBY

It was a pretty hot day for rugby when the seconds ran out to try and join the 1sts in the Grand Final. All players were totally pumped to get out there and escape the cockroach infested dressing rooms. No need to talk about developing third world rugby the ARU should get up here and look at what we offer the rugby enthusiast.

Early tries to the Geeman and Little Arnie indicated that 2nds would go onto some bigger things as the game wore on. However a number of strange decisions and the heat kept Warnervale in the game.

At 12-5 the game was still there to be lost. Brookie scored a great try which would have put the result beyond doubt but others saw it differently and the try was disallowed. Being a Kiwi in Australia is a tough gig eh bro ?

The score stayed at 12-5 for most of the second half despite many unsuccessful attacking raids by the Sharks but as it got hotter the crowd got very enthusiastic closer to the final bell.

One Warnervale reserve obviously dissatisfied with the warm can of bourbon he had been given ran onto the field to show Jeff Andrew his displeasure. Strange that the only way he could do it was to throw the can in Jeff’s face whilst demanding a refund. Calmer heads prevailed and Jeff decided he would take the yellow and get off early. The enthusiastic reserve received a red and his demands for a refund were politely refused by officials. The irate ex-player (well he will be if the CCRU Judiciary are fair dinkum) was last seen being removed from the ground.

Mitch Ward was outstanding on the day and made many impressive runs. The tight five toiled hard all day in very trying conditions.

In all a tough grinding gutsy effort from seconds that sees them into the Grand Final where they will joining 1sts in our perennial quest to belt the Blue Filth in any game we can.


MATCH RESULT

AVOCA 12 WARNERVALE 5

Tries 1 x Geeman and 1 x Mick Arnold

Con 1 x Dylan

Don’t forget Grand Final Breakfast for all players/coaches/managers etc from 8am in the Clubhouse Saturday 14th September 2013


SILLY SUNDAY

CTF Publications is pleased to advise that as part of their “Be a Wowser for a Day” Campaign CTF Publications will be providing water , lollies , cups of tea and bibles for all Silly Sunday participants who embrace the true values of prayer , abstinence , chastity and tolerance.

There will be a tent under the big tree to the north of the club house manned by CTF Volunteers and distinguished by the sounds of chantings and readings by Buddhist Monks and piles of bibles. The volunteers will be wearing distinctive t-shirts emblazoned with those famous words of their beloved Chairman Chin Tu Fat

“No Chin Tu Fat”

For all others who wish to take the well-trod path of drunken debauchery, intolerance of Kiwis and other lesser mortals including ex Randwick players, not remembering where you live or even your name the theme is VIKINGS.

Club Captain Julio Spagbowler in his last official act before joining the Mexican WWF will be for this day only be known as
“Julio the Debauched” and must be addressed as such.

The fun starts when you get there!

CTF Publications has the exclusive contract for the supply of Viking attire and assorted Viking paraphernalia to ABRFC. Blonde Buxom wenches are extra (See our sub contractor Julio the Debauched for pricing and availability ). To order send an email to us at gloriuschin@gmail.com with your helmet size, preferred weapon, shield preference and waist/leg measurement. UGGH boots are also available for the discerning Viking

CHEERS BOYS

1st Grade Match Report Major Semi vs Gosford at Woy Woy 31st August 2013

BREAKING NEWS
CTF Publications are pleased to announce that due to the funds raised by “the bucket brigade” last Saturday at Woy Woy Oval ($ 16.25 ) our esteemed publisher Chin Tu Fat and his drunken cone sniffing editor in chief Winston Harrison-Jones have been released from debtor’s prison in Outer Mongolia and are back in business. It has been a nightmarish 10 days for our people with them being subjected to constant torture including water boarding and being made to listen to Coach Boof Jenkins’ 2013 NBN Interviews 24/7. Our printing presses have been released from the government bond store and so “Its Publish or Perish”. Read on dear reader and fill your mind with the exhilarating tales of young men lost in the erotic wilds of Avoca Beach and rumoured attacks on ABRFC playing personnel by the dreaded digitally enhanced Mr Hoppa” And of course some match reporting thrown in !


MATCH REPORT

The dressing room build up was intense with Coach Boof Jenkins imploring the boys to put sparkle into their drinks preferably champagne (his new drink of choice). With Sherry out with a virus veteran Junior All Blick trialist H stepped up to start in the front row.

From the kick off our forwards took it up to Gosford with Stretch/Conan & Oatie providing the muscle needed in the tight stuff. The human javelin Sam Fortey once again played well above his weight and his scrum base partnership with Spaghetti millionaire and Mexican WWF aspirant Julio “El Beasto” Spagbowler is disrupting many an opposition’s set plays.

First half tries to Mitch, Fash and Jimmy and 2 conversions to Speedy saw us lead 19-6 at the break.

By then it looked a matter of by how much and with more help from certain officials we could have asked Gosford to follow on. Given the fee paying public had paid their money to enjoy the salubrious spectator facilities of Woy Woy Oval a contest was needed. Gosford did score 2 tries in the second half when our boys seemed to switch off for a bit, maybe frustrated with some decisions going against them.

However when Ando took an intercept on half way and ran 50 meters to score and then Jimmy burst through again to go over under the post it was all over for the Red Devils.

When H was replaced after a job well done the flying paramedic Jeff Andrew ran on to bolster our scrum. His effort was well rewarded late in the half when he showed a lot of speed to get over in the corner to make it 38-18 and off to the GF we go.

A cameo appearance by Pistol Pete saw the officials take an exception to his tackle and he was asked to sit down for 10 minutes. But not before some participants in a ruck caused Red Devil confusion when someone got mistaken for Mr Hopa…….do you know more?? then email us at gloriuschin@gmail.com.

The 2012 GF centre combination of Geeman & Sharapova once again stopped many a Gosford attack with their hard hitting defence. They also both ran the ball strongly were a constant menace to Gosford all day.

In all a great effort to get into our 12rh straight first grade GF….can anyone beat that ?? If you know more email us at gloriuschin@gmail.com .

Media darling Coach Boof Jenkins went immediately to the NBN camera man as soon as the full time siren sounded to give his succinct media bite for the 6pm Saturday night news. He has such a face for radio that man.

See you all next weekend at Woy Woy when 2nd grade go for their GF spot

Final Score

AVOCA 38 GOSFORD 18

Scorers

Tries Jimmy x 2 , then 1 by Fash, Mitch G, Ando and the flying Jeff Andrew

Conversions 4 x Speedy