RUGBY REPORT
2nd grade have asked for equal time in these weekly match reports. Given their management have trouble putting pen to paper CTF Publications this week put their hard hitting sports reporter Arse Tu Wide on the job and he reports as follows
Score Avoca 50 Gosford 0
8 Tries were scored one each to Dane Cougartamer/the Duke/Conan/Cuzi Bro Brookie/Mitch/Faz/Dan with the sumo tail/Tony Barber.
5 conversions with 2 by Cougartamer and Dylan whilst Tony Barber ( fresh from SALE OF THE CENTURY) kicked one.
Passionate Pav at 7 had an outstanding game whilst Cuzzi Bro Brookie seems to have found a new rugby life wearing the 8 jersey. Canberra refugee Mitch Ward continues to impress and showed his skills by playing at 10. Bad luck for Mitch even though he scored a try Spagbowler got 2 later in the day. The second row of the Duke of Wellington and Conan were possibly our most experienced locks this season in 2nds.
Management was again astounded( this reporter was shocked ! ) when Conan not only showed up well in time to warm up for seconds but attired himself in all the correct gear including a left & right boot, mouth guard and correct sponsors shorts / socks.
Unbelievable and something to tell your grandkids later in life.
Coach Parker very impressed with the win and obviously looking forward to the semis now. He also thanked those who backed up from 3rds and in particular Dan Ransom who came on and scored a try. Dan showed up for the under 19’s ( which was forfeited ) and ended up getting a run in all 3 grades on the day. It all comes to those who wait!
Best & Fairest
3 Passionate Pav
2 Mitch Ward
1 Brookie Morgan
Players Player
Brookie Morgan
FIRST GRADE MATCH REPORT
Coach Boof Jenkins fresh from his media comitments with NBN and Central Coast Express had in the last few days been buffeted by injuries and internet harassment from female supporters of Dinner Suit. He appeared a worried man when he arrived at the Cow Paddock and when he tucked into his 2nd pie with sauce we knew things were not good. Jimmy Latham had injured himself during the week, AJ was in a brace and with Dinner Suit unavailable due to a possibly season ending injury(see editor's note) Boof had problems sorting out his backs. Not only that but with Sherry unable to back up from the Blue Filth game due to injury the engine room was also in need of an over haul.
However assistant coach and former child prodigy Justin Staben put his hand up and made a comeback at 15 whilst the evergreen Geeman slotted straight back in next to his 2012 centre partner Dan the man.
It was tough going in the first half with some very very big hits from both sides in and around the ruck. At lemons it was 20-3 to us and some of the hits were starting to slow us down.
However after a half time rev from Boof and some magic water we went straight on the defensive for the best part of 20 minutes in the second half. An all in dancing lesson over the side line saw Mitch Mitchell given a red card to go to counselling on Wednesday. Strange but the referee saw nothing wrong with his dance partner from Gosford throwing punches nor with the 3rd man from Gosford trying to cut in that escalated the fracas. This decision saw Buncey come on for his cousin and meant that Ando had to sit down.
In the thick of things was Oatie who showed great strength in his defence and ball carries. The rampaging human javelin Sam Fortey was in everything and Spagbowler with 2 tries showed his class. Maxie scored a try but an ankle injury saw him replaced by Mitch Ward and with the Fuz still on the field we had 4 half backs wearing the blue, green and gold. Surely a club record !
Conan also made a cameo off the bench in the second half whilst the injury riddled Ric V (with many a look to the sideline) was not replaced until well into the 2nd half.
Constant flopping over the ball by Gosford (maybe because some of their forwards looked like refugees from a cake shop) saw us given a range of penalties and Speedy kicked 3 of them. Along with his 3 conversions Speedy has put a lot of daylight between him and Dylan in their battle for the top scorers mantle.
A hard hitting win which ensured us the minor premiership and the major semi on 7th September
Scores
Avoca 30 Gosford 3
Tries
2 to Spagbowler
1 to Maxie
Conversions
3 to Speedy
Penalties
3 to Speedy
BEST & FAIREST
3 The Rampaging Human Javelin Sam Fortey
2 Tim Maxwell
1 Mitch Graham/Spagbowler/Oatie
PLAYERS’ PLAYER
Oatie
Editor’s Note
This report is purely about rugby and intentionally does not and will not refer to trivial non rugby matters like Italian Spaghetti Superstar Julio Spagbowler and his current trials , tribulations and the fact that he was last seen being chased naked up Cape Three Points Road by a marauding band of masked but otherwise fully naked Cougars who were screaming out “El Beasto….pick me ” which apparently is the ring name he has chosen when he makes his debut for the Mexican WWF next month. Nor will this report refer in any shape or form to the rumours of harassment of the local NBN sports reporter by a woman claiming to be Spagbowler’s mother . Allegedly the woman has been demanding that all videos/still photos of Spagbowler be destroyed claiming that NBN have consistently refused to spell his name correctly. For the record and as per our lawyer’s directive and in conjunction with a similar order from NBN’s legal people we note that the correct spelling is “ Spagbowler” and not Spagolennie, Spaghetti, Shaggy Spaggy nor has anyone at any time ever heard of a person named “Julian”.
We are also pleased to report that Coach Boof Jenkins heaved a huge sigh of relief when the injury to Dinner Suit was revealed to be a possible season ending one. Boof will now sleep tight knowing that the constant harassment by one known as “KD” demanding the no 15 jersey each week for her husband Dinner Suit will stop. Apparently he was getting tired of not only the internet traffic, the constant text messages but also handing out blankets and warm drinks each evening to all the people standing outside his house holding placards saying “For 15 …Pick DS” and "Super Heroes Wear Dinner Suits"
Sharkbait and ABRFC match reports are registered publications of CTF Publications a subsidiary of the Hong Kong based conglomerate The Green Jade Group of Companies
The views expressed in any CTF publication are generally those of a disgraced Oxford Don actively encouraged by the deranged owner and sole shareholder of The Green Jade Group of Companies
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