SHARKBAIT 2011
A CHIN TU FAT MEDIA PUBLICATION
SPECIAL EDITION
SATURDAY 7th May 2011 Number 347865 Folio 89
A CHIN TU FAT MEDIA PUBLICATION
SPECIAL EDITION
SATURDAY 7th May 2011 Number 347865 Folio 89
Disclaimer anyone offended by the contents of this newsletter is directed to contact our legal advisors Tort Tort & Moretort who will claim they know nothing about Sharkbait and that Chin Tu Fat Enterprises and all names associated with Sharkbait are the figment of the imagination of a deranged fat bastard. This is simply not true and everything written , assumed or noted in Sharkbait is completely true. If it not yet completely true it soon will be so please remain patient
EDITORIAL
Welcome back to the Sharkpool for the big clash against Kariong . Last week saw near riots at the Sharkpool when Ourimbah defeated us in 1st grade 17-16. Children went without food, wives without money and old ladies were crying in the streets of Avoca after the defeat. Sharkbait’s palace insider has it on good authority that Super Coach Stewart Jenkins maintains the full support of the committee and that last week was a slight hiccup to our season. In between his media commitments for Advanced Hair Studios, President Juice confirmed that the rumoured signing of Cipriani as next year’s defensive coach was simply that “a rumour”. Anyway the entire club’s cash has been allocated to ensure the security of teenage pop superstar JULIAN BIEBER at every home game. There will be nothing left after those funds are spent. In a world’s first inside Sharkbait we bring you the only ever interview with Emille Thomas’s ear the world famous DORIS. Don’t miss this one.
EDITOR IN CHIEF
WINSTON HARRISON-JONES B.A (Oxon ) failed
JULIAN BIEBER LIVE AT ROJO ROCKETS
THURSDAY 26th MAY 2011
EDITORIAL
Welcome back to the Sharkpool for the big clash against Kariong . Last week saw near riots at the Sharkpool when Ourimbah defeated us in 1st grade 17-16. Children went without food, wives without money and old ladies were crying in the streets of Avoca after the defeat. Sharkbait’s palace insider has it on good authority that Super Coach Stewart Jenkins maintains the full support of the committee and that last week was a slight hiccup to our season. In between his media commitments for Advanced Hair Studios, President Juice confirmed that the rumoured signing of Cipriani as next year’s defensive coach was simply that “a rumour”. Anyway the entire club’s cash has been allocated to ensure the security of teenage pop superstar JULIAN BIEBER at every home game. There will be nothing left after those funds are spent. In a world’s first inside Sharkbait we bring you the only ever interview with Emille Thomas’s ear the world famous DORIS. Don’t miss this one.
EDITOR IN CHIEF
WINSTON HARRISON-JONES B.A (Oxon ) failed
JULIAN BIEBER LIVE AT ROJO ROCKETS
THURSDAY 26th MAY 2011
Rock on with Bieber at Rojos
Be part of the media scrum on his
“Never Say Never Tour”
Special Guest
David Koch from Channel 7’s Sunrise
Win a Mexican Hat Dance with Bieber
Cost $ 50 per head includes 2 hours of
• Drinks
• Tapas Food
• Music
• Your own paper napkin signed by the Bieber
All profits after costs to the Avoca Rugby Club
Bring your friends and school girls their mothers
Don’t miss this GREAT NIGHT OUT
Run off the Bieber and meet the girl of your dreams
NO TRAINING THAT NIGHT, COACH JENKINS SAYS SO
SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS
Be part of the media scrum on his
“Never Say Never Tour”
Special Guest
David Koch from Channel 7’s Sunrise
Win a Mexican Hat Dance with Bieber
Cost $ 50 per head includes 2 hours of
• Drinks
• Tapas Food
• Music
• Your own paper napkin signed by the Bieber
All profits after costs to the Avoca Rugby Club
Bring your friends and school girls their mothers
Don’t miss this GREAT NIGHT OUT
Run off the Bieber and meet the girl of your dreams
NO TRAINING THAT NIGHT, COACH JENKINS SAYS SO
SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS
An interview with Doris
SB “ Not many people know who you are but you are certainly prominent…how did it all start ?’
Doris “When I started out I was quite attractive and welded to the head I was born with but over time constant friction has changed me “
SB “ So how have you changed ? “
Doris “Well every time I get excited I cry blood..that’s how committed I am “
SB “ Then what happens ? “
Doris “ Well some fat bloke runs out onto the field and straps me to the head and I cannot hear anything nor see what is going on. I am screaming inside but people just don’t want to listen anymore “
SB “ Sad times Doris but surely there must have been some highlights ?”
Doris “ Yes there have been ..my childhood was a great time because then I was truly a free ear to do what I liked but now there is the constant scrumming and the fear of fat blokes who want to cover me up . I am sensitive about my head getting called names because of me. I yearn to be free. In fact I have a secret desire to become a noise tester for a heavy metal band but with the continued deterioration of my physical presence I fear I may just end up as used plasticine in a play group “
Love’s labour Lost
A tale of Romeo & Juliette gone wrong
SB “ Not many people know who you are but you are certainly prominent…how did it all start ?’
Doris “When I started out I was quite attractive and welded to the head I was born with but over time constant friction has changed me “
SB “ So how have you changed ? “
Doris “Well every time I get excited I cry blood..that’s how committed I am “
SB “ Then what happens ? “
Doris “ Well some fat bloke runs out onto the field and straps me to the head and I cannot hear anything nor see what is going on. I am screaming inside but people just don’t want to listen anymore “
SB “ Sad times Doris but surely there must have been some highlights ?”
Doris “ Yes there have been ..my childhood was a great time because then I was truly a free ear to do what I liked but now there is the constant scrumming and the fear of fat blokes who want to cover me up . I am sensitive about my head getting called names because of me. I yearn to be free. In fact I have a secret desire to become a noise tester for a heavy metal band but with the continued deterioration of my physical presence I fear I may just end up as used plasticine in a play group “
Love’s labour Lost
A tale of Romeo & Juliette gone wrong
A certain camera carrying, long time bachelor & committee member - to protect the guilty lets call him Romeo - is in the throes of re-igniting a school yard passion. Apparently the lady concerned has come back into Romeo's life recently and in a desperate effort to get back into the romance race Romeo took off for a secret rendezvous in Sydney.
After getting his car serviced and his hair done he was travelling south on the F3 when his car developed engine trouble. He pulled over to check it out and when looking under his bonnet he felt a strange sensation in his groin, Was this excitement or what? No it was fire ants crawling inside his privates! After much anguish and jumping around Romeo fought them off. He then spruced himself up and proceeded at great haste to his romantic rendezvous. He arrived and ever hopeful the fires of passion were still there Romeo made his first move by saying
“please Juliette remove the sting but leave the swelling”
…alas his beloved after waiting so long and seeing the effects of angry red ants replied ….
“Dearest I have developed a head ache …come back new week !”
Welcome back to the real world Romeo!
IN OUR NEXT SHARKBAIT …DON’T MISS
1) Doris tells of her “ ear from hell “ Is a divorce from her head pending ?
2) Romeo finally joins with Juliette..a match made on the side of the F3
3) Bieber Fever…win a back stage pass for 6 school girls and their mothers
2) Romeo finally joins with Juliette..a match made on the side of the F3
3) Bieber Fever…win a back stage pass for 6 school girls and their mothers
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